


Toucan Play At This Game

by gryffindormischief, PetalsToFish



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Animal Puns, Collaboration, F/M, Flirting, endangered species act violations, jily, zookeeper Lily Evans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 14:37:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18368048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gryffindormischief/pseuds/gryffindormischief, https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetalsToFish/pseuds/PetalsToFish
Summary: James Potter is dared to get a selfie with an otter, much to the chagrin of otter keeper Lily Evans. Co-written with the ever lovely and talented gryffindormischief.





	Toucan Play At This Game

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gryffindormischief](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gryffindormischief/gifts).



It was half an hour to closing at Blarah Zoological Park and all zookeeper Lily Evans had left to do was set her otters habitat for the night. She'd grabbed extra smelly smelt from the freezer and diced up some frozen cucumbers as an extra treat for her two favorites, Pepper and Razzle. Half an hour was plenty of time to finish all her closing duties, so much time that Lily moved slow as she finished up her routine.

Lily should've never fed into her false sense of security because there was never a 'slow' day as a zookeeper. Something always came up to ruin plans. None-the-less, everything was quiet and atypical as she made her way through the virtually empty zoo. The back of the otter habitat was untouched as she wandered up to it. Skillfully balancing the tray of food in one hand and unlocking the otter gate with the other, Lily slipped into the back holding area no problem. As she closed the gate behind her, Pepper and Razzle began their normal high pitched screams for attention.

Nothing was out of the ordinary...yet.

"Hello girls." Lily called cheerfully to her babies as she walked over to the night house and gave each otter a small piece fish. As the otter girls munched on their treats, Lily closed them into their nighthouse so they wouldn't have access to the exhibit while Lily was out cleaning up. Neither otter cared that they'd been locked in, both girls knowing that Lily would reopen the door once she was done out on the habitat.

Lily tossed a few more pieces of cucumber in with Pepper and Razzle before moving on. Lily unhooked her keys from her belt loop keys and began unlocking the door that lead out onto the otter exhibit. It was a routine that she'd done hundreds of times before, so she exactly check her surroundings. Lily pushed the otter habitat door open with her shoulder as she balanced the tray of frozen goodies. After many years, she'd become pro at balancing things in her arms while opening up doors and gates. Still, she stayed concentrated on making sure she didn't spill cucumber or fish all over the doorway. Not that Razzle or Pepper would've really cared in the end, but Lily still liked to try and vary how she delivered their food to them.

She was so focused on her tray that as she backed herself out onto the habitat carefully, a movement out of the corner of her eye startled her.

"Holy shit!"

Lily jumped out of her skin and the food tray slipped, depositing bits of fish and cucumber around the doorway. Her imagination went into overdrive as she thought of all the animals who could've somehow managed to get into the habitat with her. All Lily saw was a lot of black hair at eye level. Anything big and hairy in the otter habitat was definitely not supposed to be there. Not waiting another second to find out if the bears had somehow taken a accidental field trip, Lily reached for her belt, whipping out her pepper spray. Lily twisted her arm around, aiming the pepper spray right into the face of the invader..

Of course, she was startled to find a human male standing in front of her, hands up in the air in defense. Lily's stance stayed firm, she refused to drop her guard when there was a strange man in her otter habitat. Slowly, her other hand started reaching for her radio.

He wasn't wearing a zoo uniform so it definitely wasn't one of her coworkers playing a practical joke on her. Instead, he wore a buttoned down shirt with a pair of trousers that were a dark green. The clothes stuck to his frame, suggesting he'd recently gone swimming in the otter pool. No doubt he'd jumped in, seeing as that was the only way one could even get into the exhibit besides the back door Lily had come through.

His face was shadowed by a light stubble along a sleek cut jaw and his eyes were covered by dark black sunglasses. Lily didn't switch her radio alarm, not yet, she had to make sure he wasn't about to attack her or anything.

"What the hell are you doing in my otter habitat?" she demanded.

"You're a bit too tall and ginger, for a otter." he said cheekily, looking her up and down.

Lily's eyes narrowed, "Are you trying to be funny?"

"No?"

"What are you doing in my otter habitat?" Lily repeated.

"I'd rather not answer until my lawyer is present." he said cleverly.

Lily's pointer finger scratched on the trigger of the pepper spray, "Want to experience pepper spray designed to keep a grizzly at bay?"

His face dropped, "Definitely not, no."

"Then answer my question." Lily looked around, they were alone, no one had followed the idiot over the barrier. She glared back at this man who had officially ruined her otherwise enjoyable day. "Why are you in my otter habitat?"

He sent her a shit-eating grin, "Would you believe I fell in?"

"Over the railing?" she responded doubtfully.

"Well," He reached up to ruffle his black hair and Lily wondered if she imagined the faint blush rising in his cheeks, "I was dared, you see."

"Dared?"

He nodded, "My best mate dared me to get a selfie with an otter."

When it seemed the explanation wasn't going to get any more detailed, Lily shoved at the interlopers shoulder with her free hand, "Alright, let's get moving."

"Where are we going?"

"To find your little daredevil partner in crime."

It mollified her slightly to see him give a pretty convincing appearance of contrition. Though, he (in general) appeared to be a mischievous sort based on the glint in his eyes and the way his lips seem perpetually intent on quirking in a grin. She's most challenged by the need to keep up an indignant front, but managed to summon back up her anger at the thought of her otter babies mere feet away. Very hungry, adorable, defenseless babies.

"I'm James, by the way."

Eyes narrowed, Lily gestured for him to move forward and followed suit. The otters watched, paws gripping their barriers, as Lily walked the intruder out the back gate of the habitat.

The otter enclosure was a little off the beaten path and the zoo would be closed soon, so the area'd mostly become clear. The only exception was a dark haired man, leaning against the outer fence, too suave for a zoo.

"That your man?"

"The name's Sirius," suave man drawled as they wandered closer, "and, I can do way better than him, but I'll own up to this little shenanigan."

"Well as far as I'm concerned this was an multi-idiot effort for a few likes on social media." The darer laughed at Lily and set her righteous anger all bubbling up, "You dared this wanker to bother my fucking otters? True or false?"

He blinked at her with barely a blip in his devil-may-care facade. "I didn't know they were fucking. Did you, James?"

James snorted. "Well usually there's the whole sock on the doorknob thing. Kinda expected, yeah?"

They seemed more than ready to keep this little repartee going for hours, so Lily folded her arms and growled out, "You won't feel so cheeky if I mace you at close range."

James blinked and glanced toward Sirius. "Is she as pretty as I think when she's angry or is it trauma induced blurred vision?"

For the first time, Sirius seemed to in some way grasp the level of Lily's anger.

"I dunno mate she kinda just looks like she wants to roast us on a spit and feed us to the otters."

Lily's eyes narrowed as she pushed away the little bubble of heat at James' flirtation. It's generally nice, of course, to be complimented. But the enjoyability severely decreases when the complimenter is likely buttering you up like a piece of toast.

"My otters don't have a taste for human flesh."

"How could you say something so terrifying?" James winced.

"I said they _don't_." Lily emphasized.

Sirius cleared his throat, "Yeah, no. 'Taste for human flesh' is probably the worst way to say otters aren't dangerous."

"I never said they weren't dangerous." Lily cocked her hip out and placed a hand on it, "You stick a finger into that otter nighthouse and they'll have it down to a nub with one bite."

James winced, "But you said they _don't_ have a taste for human flesh?"

"Yeah, which is it Red?" Sirius asked, "Dangerous or not?"

"They eat fish." Lily's eyebrow quirked, "But that doesn't mean they won't confuse a few lesser appendages for a sardine."

"What?" both boys looked disturbed.

"Yeah, we used to have a bloke named Tom on this rotation but one of the girls bit his nose off when he got to close."

"You're bluffing."

"I don't bluff." Lily said, "And those are giant otters, which are an endangered species. Which also means that you violated about ten different laws just trying to get a selfie with one."

Following the horrible train of thought that vagary unleashed, James blinked and flexed his fingers. "So how much does it cost to get bailed out of zoo jail?"

Sirius made himself comfortable, forearms dangling over the nearby fence as he leaned in. "Hit him up for an endowment. He's hella rich, in addition to his great arse and charming demeanor."

Lily bit back a laugh at James' flush and relaxed her grip on the pepper spray.

"I can't tell if you're throwing him under the bus or trying to be his wingman."

"I have perfected the art of both." Sirius fake bowed.

While it wasn't a sure thing, it seemed they were just mischievous, sassy, and too attractive for their own good. They didn't seem like actual threats to anybody's safety. In fact, had the idiot in the glasses gotten anywhere close to Pepper, she would've had the upper hand.

Mouth?

Paw?

Either way, in a fight, Lily'd place her bets on her feisty girls and not the adorkable boy who'd been dared to get a selfie with her babies. The other one, the really handsome one, he was watching Lily's body relax, as if he could sense her shift of anger into amusement. Lily met his stare easily, not shying away despite his brashness. She'd spent her mornings feeding hungry tigers and as such, nothing could really scare her anymore.

James piped in at this point. "Does it help if I say the picture was for my elderly mum who loves otters?"

"We have this thing called a gift shop," Lily said with a roll of her eyes, "we sell plenty of photos of our animals."

"But I'm not in those. She won't care," James argued, really laying the whole 'adorable, devoted son' thing on thick.

Though for some reason she didn't think it was faked. In fact, it seemed the most disingenuous thing about the duo was their whole 'badass rebels' shtick. Time ticking away, Lily glanced at her watch. It was now twenty minutes to zoo closing. Lily looked back up at her delinquents, currently watching her seem to toss ideas back and forth in her head. The one without the glasses saw her hands reach for her radio on her hip.

"It sounds fake, old and ailing mum, but I swear it's not."

"Oh yes," Lily unhooked her radio from her belt, "because you're an unquestionable paragon of virtue and truthfulness."

"I'm not." Sirius nodded to James, "But he is."

James ruffled his hair endearingly, "We have been nothing if not truthful."

"You broke into my otter habitat," Lily said, "I could call security and get you banned from this zoo."

"If you do ban us," James said quickly, "Could you at least let me get that selfie first? For my mum?"

"Your ailing mum?"

"Only mum I've got."

Lily sighed loudly. Behind her, in their nighthouse the girls had resorted to squealing like they would die if they didn't get fed. Of course, the animals always came first and Lily did need to train them. She eyed the boy with specs once more, borderline admiring his jawline.

"Fine," she said.

"Fine?" James seemed surprised.

"I need to train them anyways," she said flippantly, "And they haven't done a guest interaction in a while."

Sirius stepped closer to the outer boundary. "Do I get to come? I'm an excellent photographer."

"He said selfie."

"Selfies have no nuance."

Lily narrowed her eyes, taking in Sirius' best attempt at innocence on his face while James simply pouted like a sad puppy. "He can come, but one wrong move and I'm throwing you both to the orangutans."

James followed her lead but seemed undeterred from pushing his luck, at least verbally, despite her very believable warning. "Now that seems like it must be against some zookeeper code of ethics."

"You jumped the fence, we're outside the law now."

Sirius snorted as he hopped over the boundaries with a disgusting amount of casual elegance and James looked at Lily like she was some sort of otherworldly goddess. She might not look like Euphemia, but Lily had that almost undefinable umph that Potter men went crazy for. More than cheeky; it's an uncanny ability to simultaneously refuse to take shite and join in on whatever harebrained antics had been cooked up.

Someday, very soon, Sirius would make fun of James for the literal heart eyes he gave the ginger zookeeper, but in the moment, he simply catalogued every detail for maximum impact later.

And his toast at the wedding.

Surprising even herself, Lily allowed the two invaders a good amount of leeway in their activities with the girls. Nothing dangerous or technically against regulations (aside from the fact that them being there was a rule-flaunting reality). After they'd each taken photos with and of Pepper and Razzle, Sirius made himself scarce in an unexpected show of tact while James lingered, eyes pinned on the otters gliding gracefully through the water in their back pool.

"Mum really will love these," he murmured.

In that moment, Lily's half belief of the whole 'sick mum, loves otters' story solidified and her heart ached. Losing a mother wasn't something she'd wish on her worst enemy, or even a habitat invading git. Though she had long since abandoned the 'git' classification for something undefinable and endearing.

"Is she still at home?"

He smiled, soft and genuine. "She is. Sirius wasn't lying about the Potter fortune. We're lucky and can afford to keep her at home and taken care of. Though if we ever use that kind of terminology with her she's likely to toss the nearest projectile at our heads."

Lily continued working her way through the closing checklist, locking, cleaning, etcetera, as she asked, "Is she..."

The unasked question hangs for a minute and James shakes his head. "Mum's doctors haven't said there's any specific end date, not that she'd believe them if they did, but it's just an awareness I guess? All of us could die anytime, but to know the statistical odds of someone you love are so high," he ruffled his hair, "Shite that's a lot for - this isn't even a first date."

"First arrest?" Lily suggested wittily.

"No handcuffs, not legit."

Sirius coughed nearby, "Kinky."

While Lily muffled laughter behind her hand, James scowled at Sirius, though his apology was directed toward the lovely keeper. "I am sorry for his entire existence."

She shrugged. "I'm not."

But before either of them could expand on that little gem of an admission, or whatever it was, Lily's radio came to life and she saw the very late hour on her watch just as James grabbed Sirius. "We really should go before we actually get 'legit arrested.'"

Knowing there would be plenty of time to rehash and regret her almost confession later, Lily got her two new...acquaintances on their way out of the habitat to join their fellow zoo-goers as they left the park and finished her evening duties with decidedly less excitement than the first half.

Weeks passed and Lily's almost managed to forget her encounter with the boy who had managed to sneak into her otter exhibit and her heart (not that she'd ever admit it). Her supervisor had her working doubles to cover for Nigel Babbington after the idiot forgot to lock the lion nighthouse properly, thereby allowing Kaya and Amal to get ahold of all the brooms and hoses. It had been three days since the incident and Lily was still finding bits and pieces of shredded hose in the lion habitat. She had half a mind of filling up Nigel's locker with elephant dung as payback for all the extra mouths added to her already incredibly busy plate.

Because of her insane schedule bouncing between otters, giraffes, lions, and the two polar bears, Lily was just about spent emotionally and physically. Every night when she got home she drank an entire bottle of wine and watched her favorite episodes of _The Crocodile Hunter_ , too exhausted to do much else.

By day three of her multi-animal-area Hellscape, Lily was about as close to breaking as one could get. Her interns weren't cleaning fast enough, one of the giraffes was dropping weight, and Lily hadn't managed to train with her otters since her encounter with James Potter.

She was stressed out and grumpy beyond all belief.

Actually, grumpy didn't even begin to cover her mood swings. She was downright irritable on the radio whenever someone asked her to come to the office for a meeting mid-clean. She almost murdered a child who dropped his sippy cup into the polar bear habitat (twice). At one point Lily was close to tears as she tried to cut browse for her giraffes because the blade kept getting stuck on the limb of the tree.

As such, it was only the reflexes of her absolute awful day that caused her to snap at a guest who asked her why the otters weren't out on habitat.

"I don't work with the otters."

She tried brushing past the guest so she could get to lion on time to give Amal his meds but a hand grabbed her wrist.

"We both know that's not true."

Lily turned, fire blazing in her eyes but her fuming words were diminished the minute her gaze met a pair of very familiar hazel eyes. James Potter offered her a charming grin. He was wearing his hair in the same hurried fashion that he'd managed the last time he was at the zoo. He looked exactly as she recalled, only his specs were now brown instead of black.

Lily, despite herself, smiled.

"Do I need to call security?"

James scoffed as he let go of her wrist to feign disgust at her quip, "I am a model citizen."

"You broke into an otter habitat." Lily deadpanned, "how can I be sure you won't do that again? Only this time with something bigger and inherently more dangerous?"

James waved his hand at her, "I'm here on professional business today." He stated, "no jumping into otter pools today, I promise."

"Don't think I didn't catch that loophole you're giving yourself by implying you won't do it _today_ , but that won't stop you from _later_."

James' hazel eyes twinkled, "I happen to want to remain on the good side of the otter keeper."

Lily tilted her hip, "I dunno," she said, "I hear that the otter keeper can be a handful."

He grinned wider, "Oh, I'm counting on it."

Lily laughed her first real laugh in days but it was quickly drowned out by the radio on her hip and a woman's voice screeching her name like a banshee.

_"Merch T1 to Keeper Evans, that kid threw his cup into the polar bear exhibit again."_

James quirked an eyebrow as Lily simultaneously stomped her foot like a five year old and cried out loud, throwing her face to the sky like she was asking to to swallow her whole. A mother and her two kids glanced Lily's way, eyes wide. They were the only reason Lily didn't let out every curse word known to man as she ripped her radio off her belt and held it up to her lips.

"This is Keeper Evans, did it fall into the pool or on deck side again?"

_"Negative,"_ the merchandiser's voice floated through the radio, _"It looks like it's hanging on one of the potted vines on the side of the habitat. The mom wants it back."_

Lily chewed angrily on her lip, aware James was watching this exchange with interested eyes. He could probably tell she was close to combusting but that didn't make him shy away. Lily clicked her radio once more.

"Check. I'm on my way to Arctic right now."

_"Thanks Keeper Evans."_

Lily rolled her eyes as she stuffed her radio back onto her belt. James crossed his arms, looking her up and down knowingly.

"Bad day?" He assumed.

"Bad week more like it," Lily blew her fringe from her eyes as she reached for her keys, "Sorry to have to run, but if Snowflake gets ahold of that sippy cup I'm never going to get it back."

She started to back away but James halted her, "Wait!"

She stopped in her tracks, "I'm sorry I really have to—"

"No, I get it." James promised, "animals come first and all, but can I have your number? I know it's a little forward, but I promise it's not for anything creepy. My mum wanted more otter photos."

A bit of Lily's anger faded away at the mention of his ill mother, "Oh," she said in surprise, "Yeah, get out your phone."

James did as he was told, fumbling a bit with his pocket. She smiled as he passed it over, seeing that his screensaver was a photo of him with one of her otters. She didn't say anything about it as she entered her number, tossed the phone back with a quick 'bye' and sprinted for polar bear.

In the end, it took Lily and two of her coworkers to convince Snowflake and Drizzle to come inside for peanuts so that someone could go get the sippy cup off the polar bear wall. Two hours later and Lily's feet were aching as the toddler and his mother were guided away from the polar bears—sippy cup locked tight in a zoo gift shop bag.

With one more hour to closing, Lily busted her arse to get all her animals fed and put to bed on time. She'd barely remembered James' surprise visit until she made it to the locker room and pulled her phone out of her bag. The first few texts to pop up were from her mum, asking her to brunch with her sister. The fourth text, however, was an unknown number.

**Hey Lily! Thanks again for your number!** **I really hope I didn't add to your already stressful day.** **Thanks for offering to send otter pictures! -James**

Lily smiled as she added James as a contact inside her phone before going into her picture album and sending him a cute photo of her otters cuddling in a basket together. She had no sooner traded her hiking boots for flip flops when she got a return text.

James has sent a picture too, only it wasn't of an animal, it was of an old woman hooked up to an IV. Despite her age, Lily saw the resemblance between James and his mother immediately all thanks to her pearly white smile.

"Who are you texting?" Marlene McKinnon called from her locker, where she was applying luxurious amounts of working hands lotion to her palms and legs.

Lily looked up from her phone, guiltily shrugging, "No one special."

Marlene looked unconvinced, "Evans you've been a grouch all day and now all of a sudden you're smiling. Who is it?"

Another voice called from the loo, behind the wall, "The cheetahs and I all saw you flirting with that guest before the polar bear incident, Evans."

"Cut the cheetah chatter, Dorcas!" Lily called back rudely as she shoved her phone into her pocket, "I wasn't flirting!"

"It's our job to read animal behavior Evans," Dorcas emerged from the loo half in khakis and half in sparkles, "You had all the signs of a flirtatious mammal."

"I did not."

"You were puffing out your chest."

"A lie."

Dorcas challenged, "You kept fluttering your eyes."

"You can't tell that from the cheetah exhibit." Lily said scathingly, "especially since you never clean your viewing windows!"

Dorcas flipped Lily a rude hand gesture, "I don't have time to do that shit, not without an intern."

"Amen." Marlene said from her locker, "thanks to Nigel, I've got to take care of the howler monkeys too and my ears are still ringing."

"At least you only got _one_ extra animal," Lily said as she gathered her things, "I've got three!"

"Here's to hoping they get Sam trained up fast to replace Nigel in lion." Marlene said as the girls finished dressing into normal outfits that weren't khaki and covered in animal shit.

Lily made sure to leave her phone away until she'd made it back to her tiny one bedroom apartment but when she pulled it out she saw a new text from James. Her heart skipped a beat.

**Did you manage to get that kids cup away from Snowflake?**

_Cup was saved._

There were the three little dots, telling Lily that he was typing a response. The dots stayed there for a while, implying he was either staring at her reply or taking a long time to think of what to say next. Lily decided to be the one to initiate conversation, if only because she wanted to know if his mother liked the otter picture.

_How's your mum?_

**Better now that she's seen that picture. Thank you, by the way. I know it was an odd request.**

_My pleasure._

She was worried the conversation would die but then he surprised her with a quick reply.

**You looked really stressed today, was everything alright with your otters?**

In that moment, Lily's heart melted. She'd never met a normal guy like James who actually cared to ask about her animals. She quickly typed back.

_I barely got to see them, actually. This git named Babbington ruined my week._

**Want me to sneak into his area and get caught so he gets fired?**

_If you do attempt another zoo-break,_ _I am begging you to wait until Babbington gets back from his suspension._

There wasn't a reply for a bit. Lily made herself some frozen chicken nuggets for dinner in the microwave. She kept glancing at her screen to see if he replied. Finally, around eight thirty that night, her phone buzzed and it was James.

**Can I ask how a zookeeper gets suspended?**

_When that zookeeper forgets to lock a shift door shut and allows the lions to get brooms and hose as play equipment._

**I take it lions and brooms and hoses don't go together?**

_Not unless you want all your hoses shredded and brooms demolished._

**Babbington sounds like an even bigger idiot than that guy who jumped into the otter pen on a dare**

_I think they're both idiots, but the otter bloke is also incredibly fit so there's still hope for him._

She hadn't been that forward since she was in school. James didn't answer. That what bubble appeared and disappeared for a few minutes. Lily waited anxiously for his response and when she finally got it she was pleased.

**Incredibly fit, huh?**

She could practically see his smile through her screen.

_I also called you an idiot._

**Fit cancels out idiot.**

_Does it?_

**Rock beats scissors. Paper covers rock. That kind of thing.**

_You're just making up shit now._

**It's logic, Keeper Evans.**

_You're strange, Mr. Potter._

**Go out with me?**

Lily was slightly taken aback by his abrupt text but then a whole slew of texts from him poured in at once. She covered her laughter when she read James' explanation.

**Oh my god.**

**Lily I'm so sorry.**

**Sirius sent that via the computer**

**I mean, not that I wouldn't love to go out with you**

**I mean I would love to go out with you!**

**Fucking hell.**

**I took the computer away from him.**

**Sorry.**

Lily waited for his texts to slow before sending him a picture of her otters holding a heart shaped fish popsicle.

_You otter get permission to take me out first._

**Was that a zookeeper pun?**

_Was it un-bear-able?_

**You have got to be kitten me right now.**

_Toucan play at this game._

**Oh deer, we've started a pun war.**

_You're giraffing me crazy._

**Whale, whale, whale. Does this mean you want to go out with me?**

She laughed when he started sending her gifs of dancing animals. Lily certainly hadn't expected to fall for a bloke who fell into her otter habitat while trying to get a selfie, but something about him seemed so genuine. Not to mention James loved animals too, especially her otters, which in Lily's book was the most important quality in someone she wanted to date. Lily typed her final message to him with a wide smile, her stomach fluttering with butterflies.

_You have all the right koalafications._


End file.
